Simple misunderstanding
A motorist trying to run from an “evil cloud” said that he doesn’t regret driving his pickup into four other vehicles while speeding down a busy one-way street in the wrong direction. You see, the “evil cloud” was chasing him.
The 28-year-old man from Anchorage, Alaska, took out a van, a motorcycle, a car and an SUV before his own pickup was totaled. He then tried to carjack a woman in a church parking lot, but bystanders managed to tackle him and kept him pinned down until police arrived.
Turns out the “evil cloud” was just a thunderstorm, but in the man’s defense he had no way of knowing that it wasn’t an “evil” thunderstorm given the amount of cocaine and methamphetamines police found in his system.
One heck of a party
Police in Berlin, Germany, have heard it all before. So naturally they were a little suspicious when they found the owner of a wrecked car passed out drunk in his underpants on the side of the road.
The 54-year-old owner claimed he had been at a party and had no idea how his car got damaged or how he ended up half-naked on the pavement, but police weren’t buying it.
Then three days later a man walked into a police station and confessed to stealing the car and its owner. He said that he had found the owner lying in the open trunk of his car snoring loudly at a party. Having consumed between nine and 10 pints of beer and smoked several joints of marijuana himself, the 31-year-old thief decided to lock the sleeping owner in his trunk and take off with the car.
The intoxicated robber later dumped his unconscious passenger on the side of the road in a sleeping bag just before rolling the car over several times. He escaped from the wreckage unharmed and had no plans to confess until his girlfriend guilted him into it.
Moving targets
As if it wasn’t hard enough to keep your white car looking clean, a recent study at England’s Bristol University has now confirmed that birds tend to unload their droppings on white vehicles more than any other color.
A student teacher and 40 researchers studied the bathroom activities of birds and found that while white made both cars and people popular soiling targets, navy blue and black had the opposite effect.
The researchers aren’t sure why birds respond to certain colors. They may associate white with predators or find the color cooler to perch on in the hot summer.
But that’s just speculation. In the meantime, a local city councillor tried to put the issue in perspective: “Everyone knows gulls poo everywhere and I wouldn’t particularly worry if my car was white—at least it blends in better then.”
Slow as a bullet
A German businessman who bought a brand new $190,000 Ferrari is demanding his money back because he says the car is too slow.
Joerg Winterberg, 60, said his new Ferrari Challenge Stradale was advertised as reaching speeds up to 186 mph. But when Winterberg took his new purchase out on the Autobahn, he claimed that it topped out at a leisurely 175 mph.
Ferrari denied that there was anything wrong with the car, so Winterberg had an independent expert test the car’s speed and verify his claim. Ferrari still wouldn’t refund the money, so Winterberg is taking them to court.
Winterberg warned that since he is stuck driving a lemon, he could be anywhere from 10-15 seconds late for any given court appearance.
Thin eye for the fat cop
Police in Thailand know that being an effective traffic officer takes more than skill and hard work. It’s also about looking good.
That’s why officials were dismayed when a recent medical exam of traffic officers in Bangkok found that nearly half are overweight with high cholesterol.
The police department reacted swiftly, ordering officers with waistlines larger than 40 in. to join a new one-month “Smart Police” weight-loss program.
Participants will have to eat according to a doctor’s instructions and meet for daily exercise and evening meals at a Bangkok hospital. Those who don’t lose the weight fast enough will undergo acupuncture, which in Thailand is believed to help with obesity.
If that doesn’t work, the Detroit police department has suggested switching to unglazed doughnuts.
