Roads Report: Making their way

When the economy's down, you have to fight, steal and undress to get ahead

Article August 19, 2002
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A drunk mountain in Boulder

When the cops need eight men, two dogs and three sets of
handcuffs to make an arrest, you?d expect about three perps to be
involved.

Well, last month in Boulder, Colo., all that was needed to
subdue just one man. But not just any man?the 6-ft 4-in. 375-lb former
WWF champion Big Van Vader (or Leon White to his momma).

Seems Vader got himself pretty schnookered and drove his SUV
into some bushes. Suffering only minor injuries, he managed to finish the drive
home.

When police showed up at Vader?s later to see if
alcohol had been involved, the allegedly severely intoxicated Vader responded,
?I will and can kick all of your a**es! Let?s fight!?

Here?s where the dogs were fetched. In typical Vader
eloquence, he threatened to kill them, then picked up some rocks and allegedly
spit at an officer.

Police were finally able to calm Vader down, though, and he
was handcuffed without incident.

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Quick, mooove!

It?s never fun cleaning bird droppings and dead bugs
off your windshield. But it really sucks scraping off a cow.

Just ask the couple who had the misfortune of driving through
Vienna farm country in Austria just as a cow strayed from a nearby pasture to
the top of a tunnel entrance. The driver was hospitalized with minor chest and
foot injuries after the cow fell 15 ft onto her car. Her husband in the
passenger seat was not harmed.

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1-800-DUMB-A**

Police in Albuquerque, N.M., arrested Amadeo Salguero, 21,
after he called the owner of a car he had just stolen at gunpoint to ask how to
hook up the stereo speakers.

The call was traced back to Salguero?s cell phone and
he was arrested at home, right across the street from the scene of the
carjacking.

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You can?t handle the truth

After more than 10 hours of deliberation, a St. Petersburg,
Fla., jury was deadlocked in the murder trial of Anthony Lanza who was accused
of being the getaway driver in a 1998 shooting at a Pasadena Subway store.

The jurors told the judge they were hung at an 11-1 vote,
but wouldn?t say in which favor. Upon hearing this, Lanza, 26, sure that
only one juror was against him, decided to take a gamble and waive his right to
a unanimous verdict, allowing a majority vote to rule.

Lanza guessed wrong. He is now serving a life sentence
without parole. He has filed a motion for a new trial, saying the judge made a
mistake in granting his wish.

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Cross that bridge once you buy it

Is there anyone who hasn?t dreamed of having their
very own bridge in their back yard? They?re great for barbeques or
children?s parties.

Well, last month was your opportunity to bid on this very
bridge on eBay:

The town of Brooklyn, Iowa, is replacing the 75-year-old
steel truss ?Brooklyn Bridge? with a new concrete one. So the
construction company building the new bridge offered up the old one online for
$10,000. Unfortunately during the 10-day auction no bids were placed and the
bridge appears headed to the scrap heap.

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Nice headlights

You?ve never seen as many tops down at a car wash as
there are at Daisy Mace?s in Moscow, Idaho.

That?s because the 22-year-old entrepreneur and
several friends, male and female, wash the cars by hand. Oh, and topless.

The city council and other area car wash owners aren?t
too happy. The problem is that Idaho state law doesn?t differentiate
between male and female toplessness.

Still, rival business owners argue that it?s not fair
for the group to be profiting from nudity. After all, one man argued,
?guys can?t go around topless and make money.?

Speak for yourself, buddy.

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