Roads Report: It's a jungle out there

The streets are alive with the sounds of drunken moose and runaway ostriches

Article January 21, 2003
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Crazy like a cub

Some clever saboteurs in England have found the taste of
vandalism quite sweet.

Detectives in Surrey announced they have identified the
perps behind 22 recent reports of compromised car brakes: foxes. style="mso-spacerun: yes">

Rats have long been known to chew on brake hoses to get at
the sweet-tasting glycol contained in the fluid. So detectives weren't
surprised to find teeth marks on the hoses in question. But based on the size
of the marks, they believe they were caused by fox cubs.

In response, fox cubs argued that that's racial profiling.

Only in America

A man in Nevada was recently arrested for drunken horse
riding.

Deputies in Carson City, Nev., spotted the horse meandering
down a city street carrying what appeared to be a sleeping man.

When questioned, the man said he had downed a 12-pack of
beer and somehow wound up on the horse. He was jailed to sober up when a breath
test showed a blood alcohol level double the legal limit.

Only in Norway

If you visit Norway this winter, watch out for the drunken
moose crossings.

Experts are warning that an unusually warm summer this year
has resulted in an abundance of fermenting fruit in the forests. The moose are
gobbling these up and finding themselves doing things they regret in the
morning.

If you find yourself confronted by a drunken moose,
veterinarians say, you can expect similar behavior as in drunken humans. Some
become harmless, some more aggressive, and a few just want to karaoke to
"Total Eclipse of the Heart."

Moo-ve your cows

A group of locals in Bovill, Idaho, including a city
councilman, recently abducted a herd of cows they blamed for littering their
streets with manure. The cows were dropped off at a livestock pen as strays.

The owner, a former mayor of the city, says he won't pay the
$20 per head to get his cows out of the impound lot since they aren't the only
ones that poo on the streets.

Cows aren't just causing trouble on this side of the world,
though. In Russia, a cow has been cited as the guilty party in an auto
accident.

The man driving the car that hit the cow testified the cow
walked out in front of him before he had time to react. While the cow was OK,
the man's car wasn't and he demanded compensation for the material and moral
damage he suffered.

The court
believed him, and the cow's owner is now liable for repair costs and for fixing
whatever "moral damage" is.

Unexcused absence

Calls from motorists complaining about being cut off are
nothing new to Italian police.

Being cut off by an ostrich, however, was definitely
original.

Police from Milan headed to the scene and chased the escaped
zoo ostrich for nearly four miles before they could safely round it up.

Talk about customer service

When a 10-year-old boy protested having to pay a separate
fare to take his hamster on a bus in Britain, the bus firm did more than just
apologize.

First they awarded the boy free bus travel for a month. His
hamster, Nibbles, was given a lifetime pass.

Then a bus spokesman announced some new amendments to the
company's travel policy. "First, hamsters are encouraged to travel free of
charge on any of our services. Second, young hamsters will be asked to give up
their seat to an elderly or infirm hamster. Thirdly, we request that hamsters
do not use mobile telephones or Walkmans while traveling on our buses for the
comfort of other hamsters."

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