Budget bandit
Theft is on the rise as the economy sinks, but the criminals don’t seem to be getting any smarter—or more agile.
A woman in nurse’s scrubs was caught on surveillance cameras in a T.J. Maxx store in Cape Coral, Fla., stuffing purses down her pants. A security guard detained her as she exited the store, but she sidestepped him and made a dash for her getaway car.
With the security guard not far behind, the driver of the car tried to take off before the woman was fully inside. As a result, she fell out and was run over.
The woman managed to get up and jump onto the hood of the car as the driver headed toward the exit.
Unfortunately, without much to hold onto, the woman slid off the car and was run over again. Apparently $1,200 worth of discounted purses provides decent padding because she was again able to get up, and this time successfully climb inside the car before it sped away.
Police are now on the lookout for a nurse sporting a fancy new handbag and tire-tread-patterned scrubs.
I fought the law and no one won
A Spring Creek, Nev., man who beat a speeding ticket on a technicality may be the most hated man in town.
James Killian was pulled over in April for driving 39 mph in a 25-mph zone. Even though the ticket was only for $62, Killian decided to fight the charge.
His defense was that the Elko County speed limit signs measured 18 x 24 in., consistent with the state’s 1971 Manual on Uniform Traffic Control Devices (MUTCD), but not with the 2003 revisions requiring the size of signs to increase to 24 x 30 in.
Killian argued that his ticket was therefore unenforceable, and a justice of the peace agreed, dismissing the citation. Killian was thrilled until he realized the larger consequences of his small victory.
Adhering to all of the MUTCD revisions would require that Elko County replace all speed-limit signs, pay a licensed engineer to perform costly traffic studies before beginning work on roads and meet traffic quotas before adding road improvements, among other changes.
So if you live in Elko County and find that your property tax bill doubles this year, ask Killian for some assistance. Maybe he’ll be willing to share some of that $62 he fought so hard for.
Living dead ahead
Commuters in Austin, Texas, are used to seeing road signs warning of construction or delays, but not the undead.
Early one morning in January, hackers were able to break into two IMAGO road signs and change the messages to read “CAUTION! ZOMBIES! AHEAD!!!” and “ZOMBIES IN AREA! RUN!”
While most commuters found the zombie warnings amusing, the prank did highlight two important issues.
First, roadway signs are critical to public safety. Altering them can severely compromise the safety of motorists and road crews.
Second, not enough motorists have taken the time to develop a proper zombie escape plan.
Had these signs warned of a real zombie attack, a majority of motorists say they would have stayed in their cars and driven faster, a panic response that would have drained critical natural resources needed for the ensuing battle and inevitably led to traffic jams where motorists become sitting ducks.
The correct response is to abandon your car, get on a bicycle and pedal toward a colder climate. Remember, no place is safe during a zombie attack, only safer.
