Giving off a strange vibe
Homeland Security is not only keeping our roads safe from nuclear weapons, they’re also cracking down on cancer patients.
Last month in Escondido, Calif., a nuclear alert detector on a fire engine was set off by a man who had recently received radiation treatment. As he walked by the engine crew on his way to fill a gas can, the detector went off. When he walked by again on the way back to his car, the detector went off a second time.
Firefighters decided to check the man’s vehicle to see if he was transporting nuclear weapons. After shutting the entire roadway down for an hour, they finally concluded that it was the man’s radiation treatment that had activated the detector, and he was quickly taken to an airfield in New Mexico to be dismantled.
Friendly customer service
Residents of northwest British Columbia are being updated on the condition of more than just the highways when they dial a toll-free government number out of the phone book. Thanks to a typo, the 1-800 listing in the government pages of a regional phone book for local road conditions is off by two digits.
As a result, motorists wondering how much snow is on Rte. 37 are greeted by a voice saying, “Ummm, baby, you’ve dialed the right number . . .”
The voice continues on with some descriptions that, while very detailed, have nothing to do with weather conditions.
The government is asking the Utah-based company that printed the phone books to send a flier to B.C. residents with the correct number and an apology.
Evil Cat-nievel
When your owner names you Cuddle Bug, you’re probably accustomed to traveling in style. So you can imagine one cat’s surprise when its owner left it hanging perilously to the roof of her car during a 10-mile drive.
Torri Hutchinson of Inkom, Idaho, said she had no idea that her orange tabby had climbed on top of her car as she pulled out of her driveway last month. She didn’t even notice the cat when she stopped for gas a few minutes later.
Finally another motorist did and frantically tried to convince Hutchinson to pull over, motioning toward the top of her car. She reluctantly did and was shocked to see the other driver pluck her pookie-wookie from the ski rack on her roof.
Hutchinson was relieved that Cuddle Bug survived the ordeal, but said she has no idea how she’s ever going to get her car cleaned off.
Good taste in bad taste
As a result of pressure from various animal protection groups, Kraft Foods recently announced that they will halt production of their Trolli brand Roadkill Gummi Candy.
The Roadkill line featured fruit-flavored candies shaped like flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels, complete with track marks.
After being threatened with petitions, boycotts and letter campaigns, Kraft acknowledged that marketing chewy dead animals to children might not have been the best decision.
Only in Norway
A Norwegian couple was driving home from a ski resort last month when a military tank out on maneuvers flattened their car.
The couple tried to get out of the way when they saw the 40-ton tank approaching, but it just kept on rolling, driving right over the left side of the car with the couple trapped inside.
The pair were extracted from the flattened vehicle by a group of refugees who were being driven past in a bus. Amazingly, the couple suffered only minor injuries.
Should have gone with the toupee
Some men turn 50 and decide they need a motorcycle or a convertible. Two middle-age guys in Seattle, however, are thinking bigger.
Ed Shadle, 63, a retired IBM engineer, and Keith Zanghi, 50, a Boeing manager, have spent the past decade working on a way to break the world land-speed record of 763 mph, and this fall they just might do it.
All the pieces are in place. The pair have converted a Lockheed fighter jet into a land vehicle, attached a 52,000-hp jet engine, assembled a team of engineers and mechanics and even signed on three dozen sponsors.
Their goal for this fall is to hit 800 mph down a stretch of desert in northern Nevada,
outpacing the speed of sound. Medical experts report that at speeds that fast, the pair’s death should be quick and painless.
