Real April fools

David Matthews / April 02, 2008

Keep me hangin’ on

They say that when it comes to love, sometimes you just have to hold on tight and enjoy the ride. Well, that’s great unless what you’re holding onto is the hood of a 2004 Hyundai.

Such was the story of the turbulent love affair between William Kremer, 42, and Stacey Sperrazza, 37, of southern New York.

The pair were evidently having a row when Kremer climbed onto the hood of Sperrazza’s car to stop her from leaving.

Undeterred, Sperrazza got on Rte. 202 and tried to knock Kremer off by sideswiping and rear-ending other vehicles.

After a wild 10-minute ride, part of which consisted of Sperrazza driving from behind a deployed air bag with Kremer punching her in the head through the window, the lovebirds finally pulled over at a gas station. Sperrazza made one last attempt to run over Kremer after he hopped off her car, and then she sped away.

Both parties were eventually arrested, and even police had to agree that this pair were truly made for each other.

Dog gone pickup

Charles McCowan suspected the worst when he came out of an Azusa, Calif., mini-mart recently to find his pickup truck, along with his 80-lb boxer, Max, missing.

Police arrived quickly on the scene and soon found McCowan’s truck unharmed, with Max safely inside, sitting in a fast-food parking lot across the street. Security camera footage from the mini-mart later revealed that while McCowan was in the store, Max inadvertently knocked the gear shift into neutral, which sent the pickup rolling backward, threading its way through traffic and coming to rest outside the restaurant.

McCowan vowed to have a stern talk with Max about the limitations of his dog license.

Benevolent beefcakes

A German motorist didn’t think that his day could get any worse after he accidentally swerved off the road and drove his car into a 6-ft ditch recently.

Then he noticed 10 giant men lumbering across the street toward him and thought that indeed it just might get a little worse.

Turns out, it was his lucky day. The men were bodybuilders who had been pumping iron at a nearby gym and witnessed the accident. Dropping their baby oil and fluorescent fanny packs, the men ran over and heaved the car out of the ditch with their bare hands.

Police said the driver was so grateful, he treated the men to a traditional bodybuilding thank-you: a round of energy drinks at the gym.

Landing out of bounds

When you think about the most surefire ways to get beaten up in high school, trying out for the tennis team would have to be at the top of the list.

Not so in Lake Villa, Ill., where, thanks to Isaac Kadera’s dad, “taking a private plane to an exclusive tennis club to practice for your tennis team tryout” now tops the list.

When Isaac found himself running late for a practice last month just two days before tryouts, Mr. Kadera did what any well-intentioned father would do: He flew his son to practice in his antique 1949 Piper Clipper in order to avoid the traffic.

Only one problem: The tennis club doesn’t have a runway. So Isaac’s dad landed the plane on the seventh fairway of a nearby golf course.

Police had already received calls from motorists worried that they were witnessing a plane crash, and arrived to find the Kaderas trudging through the snow hauling tennis equipment. They made Mr. Kadera pay to have a crane hoist the plane onto a truck that took it to a lot where Kadera had to disassemble it to get it home.

Isaac never made it to the practice and, even worse, when he tried to explain why to his friends at school, they thought the story was a far-fetched excuse. Then they saw an article about the incident in the newspaper and decided they had to beat him up.

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