A pen light in 1978 is just too tempting.
There I was, working on a Best Behavior Award in Mrs. Drew’s third-grade class when out of nowhere came what I thought was the neatest school utensil of my lifetime—a pen light. It certainly was inviting. I had no idea what I was going to do with it, but nonetheless the bright object was a must-have. My classmate was busy showing it off to a group of my junior peers, and we were a couple of days removed from Show & Tell. I thought the public display was out of line, but as soon as I had the chance, I slipped my sticky fingers into the foe’s school supply box and snatched the pen for my very own. The excitement was overwhelming, even if I still had no use for it. Oh, the nights I could spend flashing it on my bedroom wall.
But before I could take off with my new possession, I was hit with a third-grade buzz kill. Right before school was out, I looked over to see my victimized classmate crying like one would do if they lost the family puppy. My heart sank, and during my agonizing walk home my conscience pelted my rationale relentlessly. The next day I snuck in and returned the bright gizmo to the rightful owner, and my short life as a petty thief came to a rather uneventful ending.
Over the last couple of months Congress has asked the highway industry to give something back, something that gave readers of this magazine a small ray of hope not too long ago. Don’t worry, nobody is calling anyone a thief here. Apparently the destruction of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita has completely uprooted the federal budget, so much that Republicans have stood before Congress asking for across-the-board spending reductions and the elimination of some already-approved pork projects. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) called in the first donation, offering $70 million of the $129 million in highway projects in her district to help offset hurricane costs.
Then there is the infamous “Bridge to Nowhere,” a project labeled pork in bright neon lights by some on Capitol Hill. The dream span, which comes at the request of House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee Chairman Don Young, is marked at a heart-pounding $233 million. When money-back pressure began to mount on Young, the Alaska representative reportedly turned a deaf ear on the subject. I have a few questions regarding the federal government’s latest request for a loan. During the entire lifetime of the Transportation Equity Act for the 21st Century (TEA-21) not once that I’m aware of did Congressional leaders look for fiscal handouts. Last year, Florida was slaughtered with four hurricanes in a three-month span. Damage by the quartet probably comes close to one Katrina, but again there was no need for emergency aid. Why now? I understand the catastrophe of both natural terrorists, but I cannot comprehend why our leaders need to start setting up money pots at the steps of each state legislature.
Despite my confusion, I’m all for the highway industry giving something back, but hopefully there is a guarantee that all of the money will return to the rightful owner before the $286.5 billion SAFETEA-LU highway bill is over and done with.
Oh, and there is one other request. None of this money can fall into the hands of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). If anything, we need to seek relief for this embarrassing organization. A couple of months ago, the brilliant mind of FEMA decided to purchase a couple of cruise ships for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. The purchase cost over $200 million and came despite a free vessel offer from Greece. Few have taken advantage of the temporary housing. Then a few weeks later, the same brilliant mind purchased over $200 million in mobile homes for the people of New Orleans. Again, there are a scant number of occupants. I count over $400 million of waste. It makes the “Bridge to Nowhere” look like a sterling investment. We need to keep an eye on foolish federal spenders, and perhaps two hands on our $286.5 billion pen light.
