Bad last name

Aug. 14, 2009

There is a reason why I do not sign this column “Scooter.”

Aside from the whole professionalism factor, the name digs dirty fingernails into every fiber of my being.

For a brief moment of my directionally challenged adolescence I went by that tag. When you are dating and foolishly in love with a beautiful cheerleader in high school, you pretty much take everything that comes out of her mouth and place it on a mantle that belongs in the most famous of art institutes in the world. She penned the name “Scooter.”

There is a reason why I do not sign this column “Scooter.”

Aside from the whole professionalism factor, the name digs dirty fingernails into every fiber of my being.

For a brief moment of my directionally challenged adolescence I went by that tag. When you are dating and foolishly in love with a beautiful cheerleader in high school, you pretty much take everything that comes out of her mouth and place it on a mantle that belongs in the most famous of art institutes in the world. She penned the name “Scooter.”

The problem is, my best friend continues to take “Scooter” for a walk every now and then—the last one taking place in the parking lot of my wedding reception. There, with my new in-laws right over my shoulder, he playfully shouted the name out his car window as he exited the establishment. “Scooter” is now currently caged in my brother-in-law’s permanently adolescent brain. And, yes, he does allow it to stretch its legs at family functions on occasion.

The state of Massachusetts will no longer go by the name of one of its most troubled sons. Gov. Deval Patrick signed game-changing transportation legislation a few weeks ago that will essentially decompose the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority. Everyone will remember the name of its biggest offspring. The “Big Dig” will most likely go down—in terms of cost overruns and tainted product—as one of the worst infrastructure projects in the history of the modern world. Two men who were behind the supply of weak concrete to the expansive tunnel project pleaded guilty to several counts in late June, and four more were expected to follow the same judicial firing line. Lawsuits also were settled in a heart-wrenching and jaw-dropping tragedy that claimed the life of one woman when a portion of the ceiling in the “Big Dig” tunnel system collapsed on top of the car she was driving.

It will take an eternity for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority (MTA) to dull the negative senses of the “Big Dig,” and it will most likely take several years to turn around the backward cash flow of the project. The “Big Dig” is still responsible for $2 billion of debt, and the authority was facing a $268 million payment following a collapsing bond rating. With Gov. Patrick mobilizing reform, a sales tax hike will help nibble on the pile of expired financing.

The agency’s lavish pad also received tabloid-level press. Employees often took a dip into a soothing benefits program that included free health insurance for a year for those who used fewer than four sick days and free rides on the Massachusetts Turnpike. MTA Chairman John Cogliano, who replaced embattled leader Matthew Amorello in 2006, torpedoed many of the benefits in an effort to restore a positive public perception, but in the end the entire outfit was leveled.

Caught in a checkmate scenario, the only move Massachusetts lawmakers had was to tip over this shattered king. The new bill creates a state department of transportation that will be handled by a board of five appointed by the governor. Following common script, a secretary of transportation will lead the department. My only fear is that the ghosts of the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority will rattle the chains of the public again. Slashing a line through a name was the easy part—putting an honest face to the name will be the true challenge. If that cannot be accomplished, my advice is to stay out of dark parking lots.

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