Roads Report: Just say no

The sad effects of drugs are felt on the streets of Syracuse, Pittsburgh and Iceland

Article June 19, 2002
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Bon voyage

It is with a heavy heart that I bring you this, my last
Roads Report column. Later this month I begin a new career in the temporary
office administration assistance industry in Syracuse, N.Y. Thank you for
reading and for all the cards and letters. They were truly inspiring.

 

Drive-through in Syracuse selling crack

“One large order of crack. On second thought,
super-size that.”

And so it goes in Syracuse, N.Y., where tenants living in
the rear of an apartment building have made it easier than ever to purchase
cocaine by making their back window a drug drive-through—perfect for
inclement weather.

The five-unit building has a long driveway that loops around
the back where the window is located. A buzzer was even installed near the
window sill for prompter service.

Investigators are monitoring the operation and have
requested a search warrant.

 

Thank the little people

Iceland might be a nice place to visit, but it’s not
so great for local highway engineers.

Besides having to contend with geysers, jagged lava rock and
large amounts of frozen tundra, there’s the elves and gnomes living
underground.

Oh, and don’t forget the light-fairies, trolls,
lovelings and “huldufok,” or hidden people.

No joke. Recently Iceland’s highway agency was forced
to change the course of a new road after citizens protested that the original
route would disturb an elf’s lair under a big rock.

“Even hard-headed engineers who say they don’t
hold with superstition will build a road around a certain hill or boulder
rather than take the risk of offending elves,” Arni Bjornsoon, head of
ethnological studies at the National Museum of Iceland, told the Boston Globe.

 

Full moon in Pittsburgh

The Pennsylvania Judicial Conduct Board is debating the
future of Pittsburgh common pleas judge H. Patrick McFalls.

It seems that during a recent animated conversation between
the judge, 58, and a female acquaintance on a public street, McFalls allowed
his shorts to fall down numerous times, exposing himself to passersby. Later
that day, he was arrested for drunken driving.

This latest incident comes on the heels of a February arrest
in Miami after McFalls got into an argument with a cab driver over a $35 fare.

And who could forget the Steelers playoff game in January
where his honor gave away his Mercedes Benz to a random parking lot attendant
and then days later, not remembering the incident, reported it stolen.

McFalls has blamed his bad behavior on alcohol binges he
says were brought on by the paparazzi and the events of Sept. 11.

 

Too close for comfort

Sometimes a shortcut can turn into a longcut.

That was the lesson learned by a 64-year-old cab driver in
Brazil who decided to cut through an airport runway after dropping off his
passenger at the Santos Dumont airport.

Not noticing the Boeing 737 preparing for takeoff, the
driver found himself right behind the plane when its engines revved in
preparation for takeoff.

The man’s first detour came as a result of his cab
being blown 80 ft through the air into the rocks at Guanabara Bay by the
plane’s jets.

The second came in the form of a broken skull and a
coma. 

 

Dead in his tracks

After being pulled over by Colorado cops for erratic
driving, Gerald decided to flee from the stolen car he was driving rather than
face possible jail time. And maybe shoot all the cops, too.

Luckily for police, Gerald wasn’t the most coordinated
crook. While darting through alleys and fields, Gerald decided to try and shoot
blindly over his shoulder with his 9 mm at the pursuing police behind him.
After discharging four bullets, he collapsed suddenly. Seems Gerald
accidentally arrested himself with a bullet to the head.

 

Correction

Just before we went to press, Roads Report learned that
three suspects have been arrested in the Syracuse drive-through case. All three
denied living in the apartment even though each had working keys and all of
their possessions were found inside.

Also, due to some recent unforeseen circumstances, my move
to Syracuse has been indefinitely postponed.

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