Roads Report: Doesn't play nice with others

A look abroad explains why that foreign exchange student always seemed standoffish

Article December 16, 2002
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Choosy thieves don't choose Casio

A disappointed thief in Germany recently left a thoughtful
note of suggestion in a would-be victim's car.

Police in Diez say that when the owner of the car returned
to his vehicle, it was obvious that someone had broken in. But strangely,
nothing seemed to be missing.

Then he found the note which read, "Your radio's s***!
Not worth stealing!"

Settling a beef

Two housewives in India are in the hospital after a
walloping street brawl.

Seems the fight started after one wife was scolded by the
second for grazing her cows a little too close to the second wife's house.

Allegedly the first wife wasn't about to be told what to do
with her cows, so she attacked the second wife and bit her ear off. Her husband
allegedly joined in, too.

Not so, says the first wife. She claims the other wife bit
her ear off first.

Both women are being treated in separate hospitals but plan
to settle their feud once and for all on pay-per-view at Cattle Battle 2002.

Got crack?

Four drunken British teens recently kidnapped a milkman and
didn't exactly do his body good.

The teens were able to commandeer the milkman's unattended
truck in Huyton, Merseyside, while he made deliveries.

When he returned to the truck, the teens attacked him and
pulled him in. They then proceeded to drive the milk truck through some
unsavory neighborhoods trying to buy cocaine.

The beaten
driver was eventually let go, but the stoner milk thugs are still on the loose.

To each his own

A British man (desperately in need of a girlfriend) gave up
trainspotting 15 years ago to take up cement mixer-spotting.

In that time, Ronnie Crossland has traveled 200,000 miles
taking over 1,000 pictures of various mixers, which he calls "things of
beauty."

He says he gave up photographing trains because, get this,
it got boring.

All aboard

Anyone who takes the subway at rush hour knows that
"rush" isn't really the operative word. But sometimes you just have
to get where you're going.

Such was the case in London recently when a morning commuter
couldn't fit on a crowded subway car. Rather than wait for the next train, he
jumped on the back of the full one and rode for 20 minutes on the outside of
the train.

Despite the 60-mph speeds, the man successfully made it to
his stop and hopped off. Authorities are trying to find him before he gets the
same idea at an airport.

But the enchiladas are so good

The English magazine Top Gear recently published a list of
statistics profiling the average driver--and the results aren't pretty.

The survey found that during the lifetime of a normal
driver, he or she will nod off behind the wheel 11 times, run 181 red lights,
curse 32,025 times and expel 912 pints of wind inside the car.

The same driver also will yes"> pay attention to only 35% of road signs and believes his or
her driving is better than 87% of others.

Outtathaway!

An insurance company in Romania is refusing to pay the
medical bills of a 72-year-old man who keeps getting run over by cars.

That's because the man is actually causing the accidents
himself. Gheorghe Pascu has been run over dozens of times, winding up in the
intensive care ward eight times and suffering numerous concussions and broken
bones.

Doctors say he suffers from a "chronic obsession with
car crashes." Pascu even told the Evenimentul Zilei that he can't resist
getting run over. "I like it and that's it. When I see a car I just have
to jump in front of it."

Thanks, I think

No one can accuse the British bus line Arriva of not being
honest with its customers.

When 73-year-old Violet Bambridge lost her bus pass, it was
recovered and promptly mailed back to her--along with a note from her bus driver
reading, "Left on the 390 at Hertford 15:55. Everyone on the bus said it
?belonged to the miserable old cow.'"

Arriva apologized "unreservedly" for the incident
and said that Mrs. Bambridge is no cow. Maybe a bitter old hag, but no cow.\

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Roads Report is a monthly roundup of unusual traffic-related
events in the news. All the stories are true, but reported in fun.

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