ROADS REPORT

November 2000

Article December 28, 2000
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Can I supersize them


Can I supersize them?


That’s what folks in Delmont, Pa., are asking now that the Climax Gentleman’s Club has opened a drive-thru nude revue.


Located on an isolated stretch of U.S. Route 22 about 35 miles east of Pittsburgh, the club opened the drive-thru in April in an attempt to attract new customers.


After showing proper ID, motorists pay $5 per minute to watch however much dancing they paid for from their car via a window in the back of the building.


Barbie, a 26-year-old Climax stripper, said that the drive-thru tends to attract couples and women by the carloads.


The club’s owner, Nick Fratangelo, said that the peep show is still too new to call a success, but he added that it certainly hasn’t hurt business.




Look officer, no hands


Distracted police in Pompano Beach, Fla., last month almost let a suspected thief drive away in their own patrol car with his hands cuffed behind his back.


After being arrested for the possession of keys to a stolen car, the suspect was hand-cuffed and placed in the back of a squad car. Police then stood outside the car long enough for the man to wiggle through the partition between the front and back seat and into the driver’s seat.


Using his knees to steer, the suspect took off in the car toward the deputies. They fired their weapons and hit the suspect, but he managed to continue driving for another 12 blocks before crashing into a wall. When the suspect then tried to take off on foot, he collapsed and was arrested a second time. A definite ‘A’ for effort, though.




Got gas?


You think gas prices in the U.S. are crazy? In Europe motorists are paying more than twice what Americans do. And they’re starting to get fed up.


In Britain, where gas costs more than $4 per gallon, protesting truck drivers, farm workers, taxi drivers and the like have been blockading oil refineries in order to cut off fuel deliveries.


Protests in France in September actually resulted in a 15% lowering of fuel taxes. Similar demonstrations have been held in Ireland, Italy and Germany as well.


Unfortunately for England, where it costs around $80 to fill up a Ford Escort, the protests have only resulted in gas shortages and huge lines at the pumps.




See you tater


A 6-ft roadside Mr. Potato Head statue in Warwick, R.I., will be coming down due to recent complaints of racism.


As part of a tourist campaign in Rhode Island, the birthplace of Mr. Potato Head, dozens of enormous potato statues were sprinkled around the state, each designed by local artists. But the "Tourist Tater," painted dark brown for a suntanned appearance and wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses, was found offensive by an East Providence affirmative action officer. "If you look at his head, the only thing missing is a watermelon," the officer cited.


But as Kathy Szarko, the artist who designed the "Tourist Tater," succinctly pointed out,"He’s a potato."


But don’t despair. If you manage to take a drive through Rhode Island in the next few weeks, you can still check out "Salty Spud" dressed in orange rain gear holding a fishing net and "Edgar Allen Poe-tato" honoring the writer who made Rhode Island his home for about five minutes.




The could-have-been-death penalty


When a 24-year-old mother was cited recently in Rogers, Ark., for not strapping her three-year-old daughter in a safety seat, she figured she’d be stuck paying a fine.


But despite her guilty plea in court last month, Municipal Judge Doug Schrantz racked up some creative points for not only fining her $125, but then also ordering her to write an obituary for her daughter (who, of course, is still alive).


Mom filed suit two days later to void the sentence, calling it cruel and unusual punishment. So far the judge is standing by the ruling.




Smiles for miles and miles


No one’s ever happy to see a flagger on their way to work directing traffic. But in Mentor, Ohio, this summer, there was a flagger happy to see cars.


Commuters said watching Anthony Snyder slapping high-fives, singing, dancing and wishing everyone a good day while he directed traffic made their wait not only tolerable, but often worth the inconvenience.


A Cleveland native, Snyder has been in construction for 15 years. He credits his flagging success to a divine calling. "I just heard the Lord say, ‘Do something that will make people happy’," he said.


How does he do it? "I really get my energy from you all," he said. "When I see you smile, it’s like a shock to a pair of cables." Snyder also admits to consuming water, orange juice and doughnuts during the day.




Request for backup–10-4


When Virginia state trooper Mike Scott was flagged down recently on I-95, he figured it was just a motorist having engine trouble. But when he got to the driver’s car and noticed banana smeared on the door, his worst fear became a reality: monkeys had been throwing fruit at traffic from a tree.


When Scott arrived at where the motorist had described as being the scene of the attack he found a van and a station wagon on the side of the road. Just as one of the drivers began explaining about the monkey attacks, something exploded against the side of the van.


Turning around, Scott spotted three brown monkeys atop an oak tree indiscriminately tossing crab apples at the road. He quickly jumped into hot pursuit, but the fugitive attack monkeys were able to escape into more trees before they could be detained for questioning.


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