Crushing defeat
While high-paid auto executives in Detroit struggle to figure out how to keep their companies afloat, a Chevy dealer in Hawaii knew exactly what to do: Crush the foreign competition.
This past December, James Severtson, general sales manager of Island Chevrolet in Hilo, planned to crush a few import-brand cars with the “Hawaiian Rebel” Chevy Suburban monster truck.
Equipped with massive tires costing $5,000 apiece, the Rebel first tried to drive over a Honda Accord. In the process, it blew a hydraulic line and began leaking vital fluid.
Just like those high-paid execs, Severtson found himself in need of a bailout.
Several hours later, the Rebel was repaired and ready to face off with the competition again, this time against a Hyundai Excel sedan parked next to the first Honda. To the delight of the crowd, the Rebel drove over the cars’ hoods, destroying the windshields and reaffirming to everyone that while American-made cars may be needlessly oversized and a hazard to the environment, they can still beat up your little inexpensive fuel-efficient car.
Request for fun denied
The last vestiges of four-wheeled freedom are slipping away as new technologies aim to turn your car into your mom.
A pair of U.S. inventors have developed a computerized ignition key called the “Key2SafeDriving,” which can prevent drivers from chatting on cell phones or sending text messages while driving.
Ford also is planning to introduce its own computerized key as a standard feature on many of its 2010 models. The “MyKey” will allow parents to control how fast their teenagers (or husbands) drive, ensure that seat belts are fastened and limit the volume of the stereo.
Volvo is even getting in on the act, threatening to introduce a new collision-detection system called “City Safety” in their new XC60 SUV. Using a laser sensor, the system can engage the brakes or even steer away if a potential crash is detected.
Find a safe place to hide your riding mower because they’ll be coming for that next.
Big misunderstanding
Erica Ballard said she wasn’t sure why a squad car followed her into a McDonald’s drive-through with its lights flashing and sirens blaring.
The confusion began when police said they witnessed Ballard speed out of a St. Paul, Minn., White Castle parking lot in December at 2:30 a.m. with no headlights on and then ran a red light and failed to use turn signals. Ballard’s defense was air-tight: “I don’t even eat White Castle.”
Seeing as the police were “fixing to mess with her,” Ballard pulled into a McDonald’s and ordered the Big N’ Tasty combo meal with a Hi-C. Why go to jail on an empty stomach?
After paying for her food, Ballard parked on a nearby side street to talk with police.
As officers approached her car, they noticed that she smelled of alcohol and administered a breath test. Ballard explained that the smell was because someone had thrown a drink on her at the bar she was just visiting and not drinking at. Apparently some of it must have splashed into her mouth because the test indicated that her blood alcohol level was nearly twice the legal limit.
To top off everything else, as police were taking Ballard into custody, she informed them that she was scheduled to have heart surgery in two days. Suddenly the whole episode made sense. Anyone who has ever had heart surgery knows that you always load up on carbs and Amaretto Sours before the big operation.
