Limited time offer

A through truss bridge is a beautiful example of old-fashioned engineering and efficient use of materials.

And now, thanks to the Mississippi Department of Transportation (MDOT), you can own your very own!

That’s right, call now and MDOT will send you the Benjamin G. Humphreys Bridge on U.S. 82!

Actually you have to haul it away yourself, but still, imagine the fun you’ll have driving friends and family across the new 2-mile bridge in your backyard!

How much would you expect to pay for the bridge that has connected Lake Village, Ark., and Greenville, Miss., over the Mississippi River since 1940? $1 billion? $500 million? Well the price is up to you because MDOT is accepting bids as it prepares to open a replacement bridge, but you’ll probably only pay a fraction of the original $4,447,000 cost. That’s a steal!

Don’t be fooled by its age. The Humphreys Bridge is so strong, it has survived numerous barge crashes, a fatal airplane accident and 70 years of standing up to the Mighty Mississippi. Imagine how well it will work for your next wedding reception or cotillion!

If you call within the next 20 minutes, MDOT will even throw in the money that it would have cost to demolish the bridge to help with your relocation costs!

This offer is not available in stores, so call now.

Getting deep on the Underground

The last thing anyone wants on their morning subway commute is unsolicited advice from a stranger. But what if that stranger was Albert Einstein or William Shakespeare?

London Underground officials have given drivers on their Piccadilly Line a book of profound and enlightened quotations to broadcast over the train’s intercom to help break up the monotony of the daily commute.

Some of the quotes are witty (“An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory,” said Friedrich Engels) others philosophical (“The afternoon knows what the morning never expected,” according to a Swedish proverb). Some are even applicable to travel (“There is more to life than increasing its speed,” said Mohandas Gandhi.)

The idea for the project came from British artist Jeremy Deller, who wanted to enliven the subway experience by breaking up the repetitive recorded announcements. Officials liked the idea so much, they had a comedian coach the drivers on their delivery.

For now, the project is restricted to the Piccadilly Line, but if officials see enough riders begin to sport black turtlenecks and thin mustaches, it may be expanded.

Wienermobile in a pickle

When the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile drove through Mount Pleasant, Wis., in July, it left one homeowner singing a new tune:

“My insurance claim has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R . . .”

The driver of the famed 27-ft-long hot-dog-on-wheels was trying to turn around in a driveway and frankly thought she had the vehicle in reverse when she accidentally crashed into the home’s garage and deck.

A hot dog can do some serious damage when it’s a converted Chevrolet sporting a W4-series chassis, 6-L 300 Vortec 5700 V8 engine and retractable bun roof.

Although the driver didn’t relish the experience, at least no one was hurt. However, when she returns to Wienermobile HQ, she’ll definitely be in hot water.